Apology #3

Dear Skinny Friends,

I don’t think you should have been expressing a desire to lose weight, but I do understand that you were uncomfortable with your bodies when you said that. And I should not have said “If anything, you should gain a few pounds”. I was out of line. I just hope you understand that you made me uncomfortable. The time that comes to mind, you probably weighed thirty pounds less than I do, and the comment about needing to lose the five or seven pounds you had gained lately felt like a dig at my body, even though I know you didn’t mean it that way.

I hope you’re comfortable with your body however it is now. You don’t need to change one bit, I promise.

May 13, 2010. Tags: , , . Apologies, Uncategorized. 1 comment.

Apology #2

Dear high school French teacher,

Thank you for being you. You were the most fantastic French teacher I’ve ever had, and maybe spoiled me a bit for future French professors who did not live up to your level of education or excellence.

This is a small apology since I still consider you one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever met, and pretty much always have. The reason I’m apologising is that I couldn’t help but think “She’s so beautiful, why doesn’t she dress like it?”. It sounds like a silly thing to apologise for, but I was, like every American female, having trouble finding clothes to fit my own “less than ideal” frame at the time, and I don’t know what possessed me to think that your less socially acceptable body would be able to find clothes to match your own good looks.

You’re one of the first women who was not thinner than me (to my own perspective) that I considered beautiful. That category is still sadly small, but knowing you has made me realise that one doesn’t have to be thin to be pretty. Also, I learned a heck of a lot of French.

Merci, Madame.

February 6, 2010. Tags: , . Apologies. Leave a comment.

Apology #1

Dear Girl Who Brought Over 100 Cookies to the Holiday Party,

Even though you didn’t say it, I bet you were thinking and you’re right, I thought “Wow, no wonder she’s fat.” when you brought those cookies. Yes, I judged you in a way I wouldn’t have judged a skinny girl for saying that baking was her stress reliever. I judged you for one of the things I’m always afraid people will judge me for. Just because you’re fat and you brought lots of cookies doesn’t mean you eat too much. In fact, it means you’re really nice because those cookies were delicious.

I’m always afraid to eat in public or bake or give people food (especially the home made kind) for this reason, but I usually do those three things anyway. None of those things are bad, eating in public is an accepted way of being social, baking is an accepted hobby and giving people food is very welcome. However, once these things are done by someone who is deemed to have an “unhealthy” weight, we are at risk of being judged. And even though I feared the judgement, I’ll admit I am a hypocrite.

I’m sorry, and I hope you keep baking.

February 1, 2010. Tags: . Apologies. Leave a comment.