Last year, over the summer, I went to the doctor because my throat was doing things it wasn’t supposed to, like swelling and hurting. I had recently switched GPs so I had to go through the questionnaire. For those who don’t know it it goes like this “Do you smoke?” “How often do you drink?” “List your physical activities.” etc.

At this point in my life I attended fencing eight hours a week during the school year and ran a half an hour every day other day over the summer. I took vitamins almost every day. I only drank caffeinated beverages on occasion; I didn’t drink; I didn’t smoke. As the doctor read over these notes that the nurse had made on the computer she was clearly impressed with my lifestyle. Then she said “But you could stand to lose a few pounds you know.”

I did know, and I wasn’t there to get that reaffirmed. I was there to make sure I didn’t have mono (I didn’t) and maybe get some medication. My BMI was 28ish and I had not weighed more than or less than three pounds of where I was that day at any doctor’s visit she would have on record going back four years.

Now, I mumbled something like “I’m trying” because I was, and what else was I supposed to say? I have to say I was probably at one of my peak physical conditions. I was probably on a diet. Maybe I should have asked her “How?” because I’m still not sure.

I remember being a prepubescent kid and dreading my yearly check up because I knew I gained ten pounds. Ignoring the fact that I had also grown. My paediatricians didn’t seem to disapprove of that weight, until I got my period, and then it wasn’t okay any more. I would love to lose those pounds to be back where I was in middle school, to be pushing the “normal” BMI even though I was still being told by my family, peers and doctors that I needed to lose weight. I realise now that my body wasn’t done changing. Even though I may have been done growing up, fast forward a year or two and my weight had completely redistributed itself.

But ever since that doctor’s visit, I don’t care how healthy I feel or how good I look, I can say to myself or others “But my doctor said I needed to lose weight.”


February 3, 2010. Tags: , . Reflection.

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